


Sophie is Awesome

by Kimmy



Series: The Awesome Series [12]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Episode: s02e12 You Are Not Your Own, Gift Fic, Inspired by Fanart, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 08:51:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11227530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kimmy/pseuds/Kimmy
Summary: The first time Magnus discovered make-up was around late 17th century, when he was still painfully alone and trying to find his place in the world. It was a foreign and wonderful concept, to be able to hide his face behind a beautiful facade. Since that day, Magnus never, not once, even at his lowest, started the day without putting makeup on. It had become his armour.





	Sophie is Awesome

**Author's Note:**

  * For [@MalecWings on Twitter](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=%40MalecWings+on+Twitter).



> For Sophie, the awesome author of the loveliest fanart that inspired it.

There’s a black trail going down his cheek, the mascara smudged from the falling tears. The eyeshadow’s faded and the foundation thinner in places, as if someone tried to rub it off and Magnus shudders involuntarily at the thought of Valentine touching his face. His lipstick’s all but gone and his own face looks alien in the mirror.

 

Magnus has to turn his eyes away from seeing a broken 9-year-old boy’s eyes looking at him instead of his own.

 

His own.

 

He clenches his eyes tightly shut, taking the earcuff off with shaking fingers, sliding the rings off and shrugging off the jacket. He carefully unclasps his necklaces, though he’s not even sure why he bothers, since he’s never going to wear them again anyway.

 

Another lone tear falls down his face and he closes his fist on his knees trying to catch his breath.

 

There’s a soft whisper somewhere to his right.

 

“Magnus? Magnus, are you there?” He forces himself to open his eyes, pulls himself out of the bottomless pit of despair and looks at Alec.

 

“I’m here. I just…” He shakes his head, unsure what to say. “I just have to take my makeup off.”

 

He takes the bottle of the cleanser and a tissue but his hands are shaking he spills some of it. Alec kneels in front of him, and extends his hand, asking for permission. Magnus hands him the tissue and closes his eyes, trying to relax as Alec wipes off the tear along with the makeup. 

 

His hands are gentle, one supporting his chin and the other delicately guiding the soft fabric down his cheeks, his forehead, his eyelids. It’s like a caress and finally, Magnus allows himself to let go of some of the tension in his shoulders.

 

Alec lets him go, binning the tissue and Magnus opens his eyes, almost as if disappointed at the loss of the touch, half willing to follow Alec’s hand and nuzzle into it.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Magnus… What are you sorry for?” He knows Alec is the one that feels guilty, but he shouldn’t. If the situation was different, if it was anyone but Valentine… But it was  _ Valentine _ and if it was Magnus Valentine tried to tell he’s Alec he wouldn’t be able to face it either.

“I asked you not to push me away. I don’t want to push you away either.”

 

He looks up as Alec stands up and puts his hands on his shoulders, his touch light, again asking for permission. He falls into Alec’s embrace, breathing in his scent and burying his face in the strong chest, trying to forget.

 

“I’m so sorry, Magnus.”

 

“You shouldn’t be. Neither of us should be.” He sobs, barely audible. “There’s no one to blame this time but Azazel. Not even Valentine, as much as I wish I could blame him.”

 

Alec holds him, gently rubbing circles on his back, until Magnus allows him to pull away. First scared of touch, hesitant and flinching at the very thought of Alec coming near his… dirty body, now he clings to his boyfriend with all he has.

 

“Come on, I drew you a bath.”

 

Magnus stands, but the tension is back, the thought of a warm bath both tempting and making his arm burn where the agony rune was, even if it wasn't on this body.

 

“Magnus…? It’s okay if you’re not…”

 

“No. No, I’d love a bath. But I may need you to hold me.”

 

And Alec doesn’t ask any questions, doesn’t wonder why. He helps Magnus out of his shirt and trousers and holds his hand as he steps into the warm water, hissing as the wonderful heat seeps into his tense muscles.

 

For a long while, neither of them says anything, Magnus trying to keep the memories away and forcing his body to relax, Alec kneeling next to the bathtub, shirt off and one hand in the water, gently pushing the water to flow over Magnus’ shoulders where they’re above the water level and painting intricate swirls on his skin with the bubbles of the sandalwood bubble bath gel.

 

“I’m 400 years old.”

 

Magnus says, out of nowhere, startling Alec who looks up at him, noticing the glamour is gone. Magnus is looking at him with so much trust and desperation is makes Alec’s heart clench and he takes Magnus’ hand underwater, squeezing it comfortingly.

 

It’s Magnus’ catharsis. It’s cleansing time. Submerged in the water and with the man he has loved most in his life, he’s ready to speak and see if Alec listens and stays or goes, letting Magnus fall under water and not resurface this time.

 

“I was born in Indonesia. My parents… They were amazing. My mother was sweet and caring and my stepfather always full of life and always ready to take me on an adventure. And then, when I was 9, my demon mark showed.”

 

Magnus stops, looking down into the water and Alec lets his hand go, bringing it to his cheek instead and caressing it gently, making the golden eyes turn to him.

 

“Your eyes are beautiful, Magnus.”

 

The slitted pupils dilate until they’re almost round and Magnus’ blushes, looking down and finally cracking a first genuine smile since the godforsaken summoning. 

 

He loves Alec, it’s the only sure thing he knows.

 

“My mother didn’t think so. It was a reminder of what I was. A child of a demon, an effect of a rape. I wasn’t my step-father’s child, I wasn’t my father’s child. I was…” He swallows, reaching out for Alec’s hand himself before forcing himself to say it, holding on for dear life as if Alec would disappear if he didn’t.

 

“My father, my  _ real _ father, is a Greater Demon, a Fallen Angel. Asmodeus, the King in Edom. I’m a Prince of Hell, Alexander.”

 

He look away but Alec’s hand stays securely in his, and the other finds his way to his chin, making their eyes lock again, and Magnus is shocked to see Alec smirk.

 

“I always knew there’s something royal about you.” As he leans in for a kiss, gentle, short and sweet, Magnus world turns, as if suddenly everything is right again, back in its place.

 

Alec loves him, it’s the only sure thing he knows.

 

“I was the one to find my mother’s body, Alexander. I stood there, crying and calling for her, begging her to wake up and then he came in, my step-father, and he saw her… Saw me, saw my eyes… Saw a demon that killed her that took his child instead of seeing me. He grabbed me by the hair and pulled me to the river behind the house and he tried to drown me. But my magic exploded.”

 

Alec’s hand moves up his arm in a gentle caress and he draws him in to lean against the bathtub’s edge, guide’s his head to fall against his chest. 

 

“I killed him, Alec.”

 

“No, you didn’t.”

 

He listens to Alec’s heartbeat under his cheek and relishes in the feeling of warm, smooth skin, feeling tears of relief suddenly fall. But Alec holds him, doesn’t say a word, and when he eventually pulls away, it’s to help Magnus lean away and wash the gel out of his hair. He helps Magnus recline against the bathtub’s in-built pillow then and washes the rest of him and then they just stay like that for another while, while the water’s still warm, Magnus with his eyes closed, letting the tension and years of pain seep out of him, Alec’s finger painting intricate swirls on his chest with the bubbles.

 

But this time, it’s not pointless doodles without direction.

 

This time, Magnus recognizes the love rune.

 

After the water gets cold Alec helps Magnus out and dries him with a huge fluffy towel, hands him soft, flannel pyjamas with makeup items pattern that make Magnus smile as he puts them on, and despite his protest, Alec grabs him then, carrying him to the bedroom bridal style and putting him on the bed, sliding out of his jeans and putting on faded boxers and a white tee he left at Magnus’ weeks ago, sliding in next to him.

 

Magnus doesn’t fall asleep right away. He doesn’t fall asleep for hours and his heart is racing fast, his head messing with him, the room too dark and too scary. But Alec’s there and Alec holds him and when he falls asleep, no nightmares wake him up.

 

In the morning, Magnus is half tempted to stay in bed, but Alec kisses his nose and gently forces him to get up and sit down in the kitchen with the duvet still draped around his shoulders like a cape as they eat breakfast.

 

Alec refuses to let him go back to bed after that and instead they cuddle on the couch, talking in hushed voices about everything and nothing and watching travel documentaries.

 

At some point in the afternoon Magnus realises he didn’t put his makeup on or styled his hair for the first time in three centuries and yet, eyes unglamoured, face bare and hair messy, Alec still looked at him as if he hung the stars and the moon, as if he was the most beautiful thing the world.

 

For the first time in centuries, Magnus is without his armour, and he doesn’t feel bare, or exposed. He feels light, protected not by glitter and eyeliner, but by his Alexander’s love.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a note: Magnus' lack of nightmares is half due to Alec's comfort, but half due to Magnus being a deep sleeper and not remembering his dreams often anyway, because I have no illusions that for a vivid dreamer something like this WOULD bring nightmares no matter what.


End file.
